The Top Two Spiritual Lessons - Living by Faith Journal

What are the top two spiritual lessons the Lord wants us to learn? Not exactly knowing the Mind of the Maker, I can only tell you what I observe Him doing. I work at a homeless shelter that also hosts a yearlong, residential recovery program. Think of it as the Church writ large. Or as a 24/7 living, breathing Body of Christ—not one that is only fully assembled one morning a week.

Because we have so much raw and half-redeemed humanity scrunched together under one roof all week long, a man either gets his spiritual growth or he gets out. We are, therefore, a “hot house” for spiritual growth! What the Master Gardener does here is noteworthy, because He can and must work in our midst quickly. Nevertheless, I believe that these are the same lessons which proceed in typical church life at a more leisurely pace.

Let the Spiritual Lessons Begin!

What happens is this: When men finally come to their senses and seek relief from chasing their addiction by coming to the Mission, it is usually due to an entire surrender to Jesus Christ as Lord of their life. Many of them have known Him for decades as Savior, even from their earliest years. So much for once saved, always saved. They have been as lost and hell bound as a man can be. And they know it. That’s why they finally stopped listening to themselves and listened instead to the Lord and obeyed what they heard—sometimes for the first time in their life.

Now that He has their attention AND has them in a situation (our Mission) that they don’t dare leave, He can go to work teaching them things they need to learn. This is Jesus’ great opportunity with these men. Certainly, there would be a lot of issues they’ve run from, or buried, or never had success in facing.

Care to Make a Guess?

So, what do you think are the top two of those great issues? I’ll give you a clue. It’s not theology or the Bible per se, though we certainly give them plenty of both. Pastors, please pay attention. This may help you understand why teaching the Bible doesn’t produce the transformation we hope it will.

Because of my role as Chaplain, when the pressure and pain build up, the men seek me out. For a decade of working with hundreds of men, I have repeatedly seen that there are two issues which usually surface immediately. Then, for many months afterwards dealing with these issues becomes a source of painful growth and occasional victories. To a man these men are ill-equipped to live in close quarters with others. And this is not surprising because many in the church share these same dis-abilities.

Spiritual Lessons for Beginners

What are the two issues? Uncontrolled anger and people-pleasing. Does that surprise you? Uncontrolled anger makes a lot of sense as a first lesson, since these men have been through a world of pain. That’s what brought them in and, invariably, they come in angry. Angry with themselves, most of all, but angry also with others and sometimes with God. So, it’s no surprise that their anger goes off like roman candles now that they’ve got to stay around people they’d rather thrust aside. This means learning how to deal with their anger and what causes it.

It’s the people pleasing that’s the surprising one. It shocked me to discover how great a problem people pleasing is for them and how adamant the Lord is in making them deal with it. Why mess with that one when there’s so much else to address? Doesn’t the Lord have bigger fish to fry? Over time, I’ve come to see that the Lord goes after people pleasing quickly because it’s deeply entwined with the anger issues. But that’s not all.

The irony is that these are men who have done the very opposite of pleasing people for the long years they chased their addictions. Parents, siblings, children and spouses all would have been immensely pleased if they had only quit the addiction earlier. You would think that of all people, these men would be the least susceptible to the trap of people pleasing. Who have they ever tried to please but themselves?

Digging into the Mystery

Encountering mystery drives us deeper into understanding reality. I will be writing at greater length on both anger management and people pleasing in separate posts. For now, let’s just scratch the surface by saying that addiction traps people with deeply broken hearts, people who are unable to fully and freely love themselves.

When the damage came in (usually in the earliest years), it robbed them of feeling loved by an enemy who left them with an aching void. Then, the tempter showed up later with the false promise that the substance would fix them.

Naturally, they are angry. Surprisingly, many are out of touch with the childhood source of their pain. They have shoved it down so far and “medicated” it into numbness. Yet, along with the buried pain is a craving for the affirmation and affection they never received sufficiently to guard their young hearts.

Once the craving for the addiction is crucified, this deeper craving for affirmation surfaces. Not being affirmed when they are trying so hard now to please others, becomes the dry powder that sparks so much of the anger explosions we see.

The Two Issues Are Twins

These two issues are flip sides of the same coin. Around here there is always a problem person that triggers their temper and another that they simply cannot please. It’s like that in the church, too, isn’t it? But here they can’t get away from it. Almost always they come into my office wanting me to change someone else. It’s a hard sell, but my job is to help them see that these incidents are designed by a loving God to help them get free of people pleasing as well as their anger outbursts. They understand their anger is a problem but are shocked to find out that people pleasing also has to go.

More on both spiritual lessons later. in the meantime, check out “Spiritual Growth ABCs” at our website for leaning how to live this new life of faith.