Anger Management and It's Cure - Living by Faith Journal

Anger management isn’t God’s best, but it is a necessary first step towards His cure. When men come to the Mission for a year of addiction recovery, one of the first things that they must work on is their anger. It is one of the top two lessons. Finally, they are in a position to face it!

Knowing what they are dealing with, we have five rules at the Mission: no drugs, no alcohol, no smoking, no violence and no threats of violence. So, it they don’t cast their anger out, we cast them out. Of course, we work with them and give them lots of grace for the inevitable early failures. But if they don’t put an honest effort into managing their anger, they’ll be back on the streets. And they know it. Sometimes I wish we could do this in church life.

It also goes without saying there’s not going to be any “shacking up” with women. I might as well add that they won’t have any money while they’re with us either. Essentially the men are living like monks for a year without taking actual vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. We place them in daily service to the Mission for the sake of the homeless and for the sake of their own recovery.

This means that they’re living in somewhat cramped quarters with a lot of ragged humanity. Many of the homeless aren’t even trying to restrain their fallen natures. Add to this their fellow students in recovery who are only halfway good at reining in the bad. These men are far from acting like monks yet.

Anger Gets Triggered Often!

Due to all these friction points, anger flares up. This is good, but only from my point of view. I’m the Chaplain. I see the flare ups as the Lord letting their buttons be pushed, though the devil may be doing it. This gives them a choice. Will you explode into anger and beat someone up (as on the streets)? Or, will you learn the new ways of the Lord?

Because of their unique situation, they can’t just say the heck with this place and go somewhere else. They’re desperate and they’ve got nowhere else to go to get free of the addiction. They have no money, so we’re one of the few options available. Besides this, they have a hope that the Lord will meet them here and get them through to victories.

In this new environment, they cannot access their old coping strategies for the pain of wounded feelings. They cannot fight, flee, hide or reach for the substance. This brings a gift to them in this struggle to manage their anger. It’s something they rarely could access in the past: motivation. Anyone can beat their anger down and restrain it if they have sufficient motivation.

This, ironically, is also the first necessary step in getting free of anger outbursts, because it is a clear recognition that the anger is the problem. True to human nature, they had previously blamed their anger on other people, or the world, or life in general. You can’t change that! But if you see your own anger as your greatest enemy (in the moment) then you’ll deal with it vigorously.   

Managing Anger God’s Way

Effective anger management means first restraining it, then figuring out a way to deal with it the right way. Often this means backing out of the situation or the conversation that triggered the angry feelings before they erupt. Usually, it means seeking out a friend to help you get over what you’re feeling about what just happened. Always it means going to God in prayer for His help. It also always means forgiving the other person, because if you go to the Lord that’s what He’ll tell you to do every time (Mark 11:25).

These are the essential, tried-and-true steps of godly anger management. They work every time, if you work them. They don’t cure an angry disposition, but they prepare the way for the cure to come in three ways. First, it trains us in the way of releasing our angry, wounded feelings through prayer and forgiveness. Second, by dealing with hurt and anger faithfully over issues in the present, the reservoirs of hurt and anger we carry from the past begin to be emptied. Third, having to constantly manage so many explosions of anger makes us willing to seek a better cure.

Curing an Angry Disposition

The cure for an angry disposition is to totally forgive from the heart everyone who ever hurt or wounded us in the past (including ourselves). Until this takes place—and it is usually a process—there can be no removal of an angry disposition.

Holding any unforgiveness at all means that I am still holding on to the injustice done to me. That cannot help but make me mad. It also means that I am secretly (often unrecognized by myself) mad at God for allowing the injustice to have happened. At the very least, my unforgiveness shows that I am in open rebellion against Jesus who commands me to forgive.

Forgiveness is the golden key that releases us into freedom from anger’s unpleasant grip. Fortunately, no one has to come to our Mission to learn the steps of anger management or to seek its cure. Those who are wise learn from another’s example. Our men would be blessed to know that their struggles may be helping you with yours.

Do you have anger issues? Do you want to be free? Learn more about “How to Forgive the Unforgiveable” at our companion blog site, A Heart Set Free.